


Photo tells

by sherbal



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8807830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherbal/pseuds/sherbal
Summary: For a prompt from the lovely CustardCreamies, as follows: The prompt would be based around episode 3 of The Grand Tour and Jeremy's photo album of Richard. It could be something silly? Why would Jeremy have that photo album? What's Richard's reaction?I never write for prompt. And I think I may have curved the prompt a bit to develop a rather twisted plot. I found out that I'm a terrible writer of fluff fics. So I decided to write it in a more realistic way. Anyway, thank you again for giving me that lovely prompt !





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CustardCreamies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/gifts).



> And I want to thank reeltoreal again for her beta-ing of this fic. She's a nice lady who helps me a lot, not only in beta-ing but also she brings inspirations and encouragements to me. She's truly amazing and means a lot to me.

Everybody loves gay jokes, right?

 

So when the brainstorming team, Jeremy, Richard, James, and Richard Porter, sat down around a table beating their brains to come up with jokes and gigs for the scene of James and Richard destroying Jeremy's house… someone, probably Jeremy, raised the idea of planting some personal stuff concerning his other two colleagues on the ruined site seemed.

 

Thoughts just popped into their heads and out their mouths. The small group quickly decided that a voodoo doll of James would do the job because apparently everyone except James himself wanted to stab him or at least his voodoo doll when he was being pedantic. For Hammond, they were actually thinking about a destroyed figurine of him. But to push it further, Andy (who had sidled over to grab a pastry from the tray on the table) suggested a photo album full of Hammond's photos. The group burst into laughter. Even people at nearby desks joined in. Hammond laughed a little nervously while turning for a quick furtive look at Jeremy who was busy lighting another cigarette. The tall man smiled absently while fondling his lighter.

 

Yes, everybody loves a gay joke. Except homophobic people, the overly sensitive, and two men who actually had a gay affair years ago and had told no one. And still were colleagues… And pretended that nothing had happened. In another universe they would have naturally laughed along.

 

The meeting moved on quickly in cigarette smoke and constant laughter like every production meeting they had had for going on 15 years.

 

//

After filming the scene of him and James brutally destroying Jeremy's house, Hammond took the album with him. There was nothing sentimental about this. It was just because he didn't want to see his own face being tossed into a rubbish bin.

 

He drove home expecting a nice hot dinner only to find that Mindy had taken the girls out shopping and he had to eat the leftovers from the fridge. Putting the cold pasta into the microwave, Hammond sat down by the kitchen table aimlessly going through the news. Finally he set down his phone and was too tired to stand up to get the pasta out of the microwave; he turned to the ruined album. The man in charge of preparing the props found these photos mostly from his Twitter or from googling "Richard Hammond". It was interesting to see his face in an album. Thanks to smartphones, the only people who have physical photos anymore are old ladies wanting to show off pictures of their grandchildren. (Except maybe if you are a groupie or trying to decorate your house with family pictures.)

 

The album smelt of dirt and the table was covered in sand as he turned several pages.  
The someone from the props department had clearly worked hard to make it look like it was ruined in the process of destroying Jeremy's house. Not knowing how to deal with this purposely ruined album, he extracted the photos from their plastic pages and collected them into a stack. There was only one place these printed photos could go: the box full of old albums at the bottom of his and Mindy's wardrobe.

 

He turned on the light of their bedroom, kneeling on the carpet to get out the old box.  
There were his wedding photos, photos of the children (Willow and Izzy), photos of Mindy when she was at university, and photos from when he was working in Yorkshire radio and on Top Gear. His pasta was still hot in the microwave, he really didn't have time to appreciate all those old memories again. Hammond randomly opened one album and put his photos in it. Just when he was about to close it a photo caught his eyes and his breath.

 

//

If he was being really honest, Hammond was slightly ashamed of having to sleep with Jeremy to keep his job, though he didn't think Jeremy knew about his deep motive. When he joined Top Gear for the first series he was young and ambitious, waiting to explore the great future stretching out ahead. Alas, the show didn't work out and he soon received a call from Andy saying that he might not be able to come back in series two. He panicked because he genuinely thought that joining Top Gear was literally the best thing ever to happen to him. Now he would do whatever it took to stay in the show.

Mindy was pregnant and they had just moved into their new house. Everything was going well in a promising way and he couldn't afford to lose his job.  
What could a thirty-three years old shrimp of a man do in that situation? He wasn't the same careless and confused young man that he had been a decade ago when he’d just got into media. He had a family and a great future which was fragile and basically was determined by some fat blokes in management at the BBC. He loved this job to death. He would lick the boots of any man who could help him to keep his job. Yes, it sounds pathetic. But he was that desperate.

 

//

He actually knew that Jeremy had some interests in him. It was not like Jeremy was sexually harassing him during work. He just knew from the way he talked to him and when they sat next to each other in the pub after work, the tall man's eyes wandered. It was something sexual but not disgusting. It was like some sort of compliment just as you can't control yourself from noticing at a woman news presenter's bottom. It was no big deal. At that time, it seemed really handy that the person he was trying to make an offer to had some interests in him.

 

Everything came naturally. Jeremy quickly noticed his advances and gladly swallowed the bait. It would be very hypocritical to say that Hammond didn't enjoy whatever this was. You could call it a deal or an affair or a terrible mistake that would make them both regret it for eternity. They shagged in Jeremy's London flat mostly. All busy hands and sweating and panting and gasping. They were much younger back then. Jeremy's back was still functional. The sex was better than he had expected. It almost made Hammond forget about what he was actually doing there.

 

He felt guilty sometimes about cheating on his pregnant wife. But the thought that doing this could save his career or the satisfaction from being pinned down and enjoying fantastic sex overcame him. It really was fantastic, he ruminated. Really, really… He stopped thinking.

 

Jeremy never asked him why he’d initiated their affair. He probably considered it to be mutually beneficial, relieving sexual tension. They shagged and Hammond showered and put on his clothes to go back home. Sometimes he would stay for the night. Once he woke up to find himself in Jeremy's arms. He told Jeremy he didn't like it and since then he refused to spend the night.

 

He hoped that the tall man thought that they were just doing this fulfil physical needs and nothing else, even though for his part he was actually doing this to save his job.  
And he did keep his job. He didn't know whether sleeping with Jeremy really helped or not. But at that time maybe he was just looking for reassurance because there was nothing else he could do.

 

After he signed his contract for three more series he felt it was time to end his sins. It was ugly to say he was done using Jeremy as his insurance to keep his job. But he only knew whatever he was doing with Jeremy should end quickly. Mindy gave birth to his precious girl, Willow, and suddenly he was the happiest family man in the world. The dark secrets went away when he held his baby girl's delicate little hand in his own. His life indeed seemed to go in that promising direction and the gloomy period of his life finally ended.

//

 

He went to Jeremy's flat as usual and the tall man opened the door to let him in. Hammond was wondering whether they should just clear this out in the living room like adults or in bed like adulterers. Well, they were no adults. And as this was technically not common adultery.

 

Jeremy poured Hammond a cup of coffee in the kitchen and before he had a chance to take a sip, Jeremy kissed him. They normally didn't kiss. Just plain fucked without any emotional manifestations of their physical attraction.

 

Strong, rough hands lifted Hammond onto the edge of the kitchen table. Jeremy was more aggressive than usual. There was a thought lingering in the back of his head: could Jeremy know that this was the last time? He was dragged back to the present by the heat of lips on his neck from the tall man standing between his thighs. He shut down his brain.

 

They didn't make it to the bedroom despite Hammond's insistence. He was sprawled onto the cold white marble of Jeremy’s table with his shirt open and his trousers hanging from one ankle. Tears of pleasure may have dropped from the corners of his eyes and started down his face.

Much later and all too soon it was over. Jeremy straightened himself a bit. Then left him there to go lean against the worktop half a dozen steps away and drink the now tepid cup of coffee he had poured for Hammond.

 

Hammond thought if he was going to say it, at least he should do it with his trousers on. But his whole body was too sore to rise from the cold table. He was surprisingly comfortable there. He tried to put his hands on both sides of his body to sit up but his arms seemed powerless, weakened from their activities. He couldn't see where Jeremy was. All he could see was a dirty spot on the corner of the kitchen's ceiling. He tried again, reaching down to drag his trousers up but was stopped by a pair of incredibly warm hands.

 

"Lift your bottom, Richard."

Jeremy helped him to put on his trousers and even zipped the fly and buckled the belt for him. It was very out of character: strange and intimate. It should have been awkward. It should have been laughable. But it was neither of those things. It was foreign and comforting at the same time. Hammond just let him do this for him. Feeling warm fingers on his chest as Jeremy did up the buttons on his shirt. His eyes fluttered and his head spun. It was all too overwhelmingly like being cared for.

 

"It's time to end this, I think, don't you?" Jeremy put his arm around Hammond's waist, one arm under his knees, to carry him from the table like a father holding his child. He locked his arms around Jeremy's back as if it was the most natural thing to do in the world. There was nowhere else he wanted to be other than in a pair of strong arms. And if he leaned into the embrace, well… Jeremy didn’t say anything about it. But the next second he was on the ground.

 

"You should go home to see your baby girl. She’s got your eyes, you know. Hopefully, she will grow taller than her midget father. " Jeremy continued talking like he was talking about the weather. He didn't say they should stop fucking each other. He didn't say they shouldn't feel embarrassed around each other due to their little arrangement. He didn't mention whether or not he would miss this. He didn't say anything sentimental. He only gave Hammond his blessings on his newborn baby girl and urged him to go home.  
Hammond was relieved. When he’d knocked on Jeremy’s door, he had a prepared speech of why they should end this and why this affair shouldn't affect their lives. Jeremy did the dirty work for him and he appreciated that.

 

He said goodbye, closed the door and drove home with Jeremy's blessing.  
His dogs were wagging their tails to welcome him home. Mindy was holding Willow, smiling at him.

 

This ended. Nothing would be missed.

And from then, he and Jeremy never mentioned this. Both pretended nothing had happened. Sometimes he would forget that he and the tall man had that short-term affair. They were good friends, true buddies and nothing more.

 

//

But this photo was like a blender, threatening to shred his beliefs and rationality, to turn his life into a total mess. It was from his thirty fourth birthday party. Right after he extended his contract with Top Gear for another three years and Willow's birth. It was a small party. Only family and close friends were invited. In that photo, everybody was still sober and calm. Willow was in Mindy's arms and he was hugging Mindy. But it wasn't the warm atmosphere that caught his attention. What was alarming was at the top right corner of this picture. It was Jeremy holding a bottle of champagne.

 

You may wonder why Jeremy's presence could be so destructive to Hammond. It was because he really couldn't be there at that time.

 

Hammond remembered perfectly that although he invited Jeremy the tall man had never shown up. Andy told him that Jeremy was on a business trip in America to talk the Yankees into investing in their production company. And in the afternoon the day after his birthday, Jeremy sent him a small text of "happy birthday Hammond " from America. Then there was nothing else. Next week when Jeremy was back everything was running smoothly.

 

To be honest, Hammond wanted him to be at the party. To share his happiness of becoming a father and having his first birthday party with his baby girl. He wanted them to be friends even after they decided to stop their adultery and pretended it never happened. He was desperately hoping to see him that night. He almost looked at the entrance of the restaurant every thirty seconds. Then Andy told him Jeremy wouldn't be able to come back until next Thursday.

 

So, yes, they were mates. It was no big deal; mates didn't go to your birthday part when they had important business meetings with the Americans.

//

How could Jeremy be in that photo if he was in America at that time? Was he a secret wizard capable of transferring himself from the opposite side of the earth in no time? Of course not.

 

Or perhaps… Hammond was too afraid to say it. It couldn't be true.  
He had to find out, though. Because if it was… well that changed things.

 

The pasta was cold in the microwave. But he couldn't care less. He grabbed the keys and left his house for London.

This couldn't be true. He'd rather believe that Jeremy was a wizard or a Klingon.

//

What was he thinking? He had left his phone on the kitchen table and driven for over two hours to Jeremy’s flat fuelled by an undefined urge to confront Jeremy. Now here he was. Standing in the hall in front of Jeremy's old London flat door and dripping water onto the welcome doormat of Jeremy's flat. It was raining heavily outside but that wasn’t enough to drown out a girl's voice from inside. Probably Emily.

Their daughters had been friends for a really long time. They were both proud fathers with brilliant children. Jeremy's kids were adults now. His little princesses still had four or five years to go before they were legally allowed to drink. Jeremy was divorced. Everyone knew it was gonna happen one day. Luckily, his children didn't seem to be affected by this. Hammond just stood there.

 

Let bygones be bygones. Truth sometimes doesn't matter that much. Mindy and the girls probably were back and he really should go home. He took the elevator to go down and reached his car.

“Hammond!" A familiar voice called from behind him, ”What are you doing here?”

 

Hammond turned and saw Jeremy. They stared at each other like utter imbeciles in the rain for an uncomfortable period of time.

 

"What's the matter?"Jeremy sounded impatient. Hammond was too afraid to break this spell. Jeremy didn't move. He was in his slippers. But neither of them thought about getting into the car to be shielded from the pouring rain.

He drew on his irrational indignity at the idea of Jeremy showing up at his party and then not even acknowledging him. Why would Jeremy ignore him like that? Did he think he wasn’t worth a damn? It was callous and rude. And it should have been beneath him. Especially after all they’d been through. Richard deserved better from this man.

”Did you come to my birthday party that night with a bottle of champagne?”

 

"Hammond, have you finally gone mad? What are you talking about?" Jeremy raised his eyebrow looking pointedly at him. This only served to reinforce Richard’s indignation.  
"DID YOU come to my thirty fourth birthday part with a bottle of champagne when you should’ve been in America at that time?”

 

Jeremy's face softened.

"Really, Hammond. It was a long time ago. I can't remember."

"DID YOU? I don't want to say it again."

Jeremy smiled bitterly.

"Yes, I did. You know what? I flew from LAX into Heathrow that morning. And I had to fly back to America that night to catch another meeting."

"Why did you come and just leave without even saying hi? Were you in a such hurry to do something that important in London? Why couldn't you just let someone bring the champagne to me if you weren’t even going to bother to talk to me? Did you despise me or something? Really, Jeremy, what the hell?”

 

Jeremy's jaws were clenched. His breath came shallow now. He closed his eyes to stop looking at Hammond for a while.

"Richard, look, I took the earliest fly that day hoping to be there on time. I was in such a hurry that I bought the champagne at Heathrow. I wanted to say happy birthday to you in person but when I saw you surrounded by friends and families… You looked so fucking happy! I felt so pathetic. I didn't want you to hate me for spoiling your happy moment. I didn't belong there. I want you to be happy, Richard. I’m sorry.”

 

Hammond was even more confused. The cold rain soaked his coat and his shirt was wet and sticking to him uncomfortably.

 

"You flew back to London for me?"

Jeremy leaned onto the car and nodded. A smile formed on his lips but only bitterness touched his eyes.

But Richard just wasn’t getting it yet. It didn’t make sense. Jeremy didn’t love him; he was sure of that. ”You took a twelve hour flight just to see me? But… why?”

 

The tall man laughed dryly, ”I don't know what got into me. I felt incredibly stupid in my business suit on the way back to LA and I didn’t have any luggage with me. It was an impulse really. A text seemed insufficient. I just. I don’t know. I just missed you. I wanted to be there with you.

“I got this rush of nervous energy, adrenaline I suppose, that carried me all the way to your party. And then when I finally saw you it was like a punch to the gut. You were beaming, surrounded by Mindy and Izzy and Willow and all those people who love you. I didn’t belong there.

“When I landed at LAX the next day I had to borrow a charger for my phone to restart it just to send you a message.” Jeremy sighed, turning to Hammond to give him a small smile, warmer than before, "I spent the entire trip back to LA thinking about what to text But the only sentence I was sure about is happy birthday. “

 

Hammond felt tears burning hot against the cold rain. "You stupid cunt! How could you do this to me? Why let me know?!”

 

He was drawn into a firm embrace. "Hammond, we can't go back. It doesn't matter whether you know it or not. You can’t go back. I can’t go back. Life is just that fucking hard. There’s nothing to be sentimental about it. I knew that you only slept with me to keep your job. I kept my promise and we were even. I’m not ashamed to say that I loved you. For a long time, perhaps. But years passed, and we are old now, Hammond. For Christ’s sake! Our children are in love now. It’s their turn. We had our fun and it’s silly not to move on.’’

 

Jeremy let go of him. “Go home. You’ll be fine after a nice hot bath and a good meal. For you, a bag of crisps will do.”

They exchanged a last look. It spoke of wistfulness and acceptance. It didn’t last long, though. Then Jeremy turned and walked away. Richard let out a breath and with it the last of feelings he didn’t know he’d been harbouring for all this time. He knew that they’d never speak of this again. And that was a good thing, he thought, there was nothing left to say. He got into his car and put it into gear.

In another universe the album would have been just another passing joke. Another universe with a different Richard and a different Jeremy. Maybe the intervening years would have been happier if their relationship never crossed that line. Maybe not. It was over now. Well and truly behind them. Whatever could have been, they were happier now.

 

Just like all those years ago, he went home with Jeremy’s blessing.  
As he pulled up the drive his dogs were there wagging their tails to greet him.  
He could see Mindy and the girls were back. The house was glowing cheerily in the dark. Without a care in his heart or a hesitation in his step he walked in.


End file.
